AFTER A MISCARRIAGE
Miscarriage is a loss as much as a full-term pregnancy where the baby is stillborn. Allow yourself to grieve the loss. Those who know ahead of time, when early signs of miscarriage is observed or during premature labor, will begin the process of grieving. This is called “anticipatory grief” and it assists you to prepare for the loss. Don’t feel bad if you have a sense of relief, the uncertainty is now over and you may feel relieved your baby’s ordeal is over.
Other people may not understand your sense of loss, unless they too have had a miscarriage. You may feel alone and isolated. Don’t keep to yourself as this can add to your feeling of doubt, and sense of self-blame.
Many people will expect you to ‘to be back to normal and may say things like ‘aren’t you over this yet?’ or ‘Buck up—no use crying over spilt milk!’ Because you are still grieving so intensely, these remarks can make you wonder if your feelings are silly or unjustified (41)”. Try to surround yourself with people who will listen and care, avoiding those people who are very insensitive.
If the baby miscarried late in the second trimester, you may have memories to grapple with. Such as, when you first heard you were pregnant, the ultrasound that showed you the baby is a boy or girl, and when you first felt the baby move. These types of things are important things to remember in the process of grieving.
You may wonder how long this process will take. It depends upon you and how well you work through the grieving process! Allow yourself the time to work through the shock, anger, denial, your memories, etc.
Davis, Deborah L. PhD. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: surviving the death of your baby. (1994) Fulcrum.
Romm, Aviva Jill. The Natural Pregnancy Book: herbs, nutrition, and other holistic choices (2003) Celestial Arts